Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Preacher's Kid

I just sent an email to one of my Aunts. She's very active in the struggle...and if you have to ask what the struggle is...hmmmmm...that's another blog (smile).

But in a nutshell, she fights on behalf of the innocent, who have never truly been found guilty. She stands by those who have been treated unjustly. She works tirelessly in the community to help make this world a better place for all. Well, that's my Aunt Jamala who is the chair for the Organization for Black Struggle (OBS).

So why the title, "The Preacher's Kid?" Well, I certainly didn't grow up in a religious family - although before my father met my mother he was about to become a Catholic priest. The first time I visited a church - my mother kissed us goodbye and quickly ran back because she wanted to give me eleven cents. "What's this for?" I humbly asked. "Put it in the collection basket," she replied. My response - "You have to pay to go to church?" So there, didn't grow up in a religious family. So again, why the title, "The Preacher's Kid?"

Well, usually the preacher's kid is the one "messing up." They are usually the ones who go astray. Now no judgment. It is actually a fact. Maybe the preachers were too busy to reach their own household with the message. Maybe the preacher's kid saw the flaws of the preacher and lost faith. There could be many reasons why. I would love to know what you think...but back to me...

I grew up in a "Black Nationalist" household. Love your Black heritage. Power to the people. Be proud to be Black. We learned so much about Black pride. We loved watching "Black Music Videos." We loved watching "Star Search," and would simply root for the Black people to win. We were part of the youth organization, OBS Youth Group (later to become Youth Council for Positive Development), and we were proud to be Black. Did I mention we were proud to be Black? (smile)

But what happened in my household? You would think that we would become the chief helpers in the struggle for the freedom of Black people or for those treated unjustly. Out of the five of us who grew up in our household... one is a proud father and successful bartender...one is a member of the Nation of Islam...one is a founder of her own marketing company...one is a vegan health consultant......and one is in and out of jail - fighting a drug habit. What happened?

Four of us are doing something positive with our lives and greatly affecting others' lives with our works...but none of us are truly principally involved in our parent's organization, fighting for the freedom of our people - marching in rallies...writing letters on behalf of Reggie Clemons...speaking about all of these issues that affect our people. What happened? Are we the "preacher's kids?"

I couldn't help but wonder why "the preacher's kid" is the one who most times go astray from his father's work. Our parents were far from saints and we surely saw and witnessed firsthand their many flaws. So now, it's really unfair for me to speak for the other four...so let's just deal with me.

Why am I so uninvolved? Now, I'm getting better...but I know that a huge part of my struggle is and has been...viewing the flaws and sometimes hypocrisy from the very people who are running an organization. Now don't mistake my honesty for a contempt, because the very people with whom I struggle....I truly love and respect them...and know that we are family. But I also know that I must get over the "let down," especially since I know it's unfair to judge (I am a parent now.) But as unfair as it is...it is still hard for me to let go. No, I am far from perfect...but I am just being in this moment trying to understand myself and why I am unable to act to the fullest of my being in the struggle.

Are you feeling me? I really am studying this to better study myself. Is it just a part of life? Or can we truly raise a family full of children who will follow our works? How will they receive my flaws and acts of hypocrisy?

What do you think?

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Good Girl Gone Bad?

We live our lives we follow rules...we do as we're told...to become good tools...for whom?
We learn religion...we learn politics...but I just gotta say...I'm kinda sick...of whom?
Everybody I read about, hear about, learn about, come to think about it...every great person was and is surrounded by controversy.
They went against the grain...they were anything but plain...so why again I am walking this tight line...is the question that remains.
It makes me think, it makes we wonder...what spell am I constantly under, that I for a second doubt my beauty...dictated by the clothes I wear...whether or not I cover my hair...everything is real baby...can you get the feel baby of what I'm saying.
Just going with the flow today...tomorrow may get another play...I'm a good girl 'til the end, but just had to ask the question my friend...how good is a good girl or how good can a good girl be if she will ever be GREAT?!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Proud to be Selfish!?

Being selfish is relative...and lately, I have been relatively selfish. It's like this fine line! But isn't that how life is...full of fine lines?

I think the lines are so fine because of what is relative. I was reading in this book, "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee," and I found a resounding comment. I'm going off the top of my head so bear with me...in one instance we (as individuals) are very special...unique...and on the other hand we are but a speck of dust.

This also brings me to one of my college courses where my instructor commented on how sometimes you have to take "give and take marbles" from children. I know it might be confusing, but the whole point is "checks and balances."

Sometimes we think too little of ourselves and sometimes we think too much of ourselves...and well the selfish I am proud to indulge in is thinking a little more of myself because I have had far too long for thinking too little of myself. Thing is...oft times nobody but you knows this, so you come off as cruel...so you have to trust they'll see in time.

But it's the fine lines that keep us humble...and humility is the key to so much!

So yes, I am proud to be selfish. What about you?