Good Girl Gone Bad?

We live our lives we follow rules...we do as we're told...to become good tools...for whom?
We learn religion...we learn politics...but I just gotta say...I'm kinda sick...of whom?
Everybody I read about, hear about, learn about, come to think about it...every great person was and is surrounded by controversy.
They went against the grain...they were anything but plain...so why again I am walking this tight line...is the question that remains.
It makes me think, it makes we wonder...what spell am I constantly under, that I for a second doubt my beauty...dictated by the clothes I wear...whether or not I cover my hair...everything is real baby...can you get the feel baby of what I'm saying.
Just going with the flow today...tomorrow may get another play...I'm a good girl 'til the end, but just had to ask the question my friend...how good is a good girl or how good can a good girl be if she will ever be GREAT?!

Proud to be Selfish!?

Being selfish is relative...and lately, I have been relatively selfish. It's like this fine line! But isn't that how life is...full of fine lines?

I think the lines are so fine because of what is relative. I was reading in this book, "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee," and I found a resounding comment. I'm going off the top of my head so bear with me...in one instance we (as individuals) are very special...unique...and on the other hand we are but a speck of dust.

This also brings me to one of my college courses where my instructor commented on how sometimes you have to take "give and take marbles" from children. I know it might be confusing, but the whole point is "checks and balances."

Sometimes we think too little of ourselves and sometimes we think too much of ourselves...and well the selfish I am proud to indulge in is thinking a little more of myself because I have had far too long for thinking too little of myself. Thing is...oft times nobody but you knows this, so you come off as cruel...so you have to trust they'll see in time.

But it's the fine lines that keep us humble...and humility is the key to so much!

So yes, I am proud to be selfish. What about you?

Should you stand alone?

Sometimes, in life, you will have to make an awesome and most times very hard decision to stand alone. I don't want to go into detail, because I have respect for whom I write. Suffice to say, that we all face a fork in the road and have to make a tough decision to disagree with the ones we love the most. But how? How do you stand alone?...with the ones you love most? What do you say or don't say? How do you respect them when your very disagreement is seen as a disrespect? How do you stand alone, without looking arrogant, or nonchalant?

Do Not Give Somebody a License to "Kill" You!

I was at a play date in Ridge Park yesterday. A group of teenagers (2 white girls, 1 white boy, 2 black boys, and 1 black girl) were there off to the side. They were practicing a play. From time to time, the smaller children would run through to climb and slide. My friend sitting next to me had a better view of exactly what they were doing. Well, out of no where, police cars came (at least two or three) and the black male cop and his white female partner came over to the one black boy (who had no idea what was going on) stood him up, frisked him, and had him in a choke hold up against the bench. They found a "gun". It happened to be a play gun!

Other parents "cleared out of the park." My friend and I decided to stay and at least be "witnesses." My friend was bothered because she knew it was a toy. She had been watching them rehearse their play the whole time. She was appalled that he was so "roughed up." I was too. All I could think of is how "we" (black people, especially black young boys) get treated. I was enraged and saddened at the same time. (Talk about mixed feelings and controversy.)

The other black boy from the group was speaking. He was saying how, "it's just a toy..." The black cops (another had come at this point) told him, "somebody called 911 because they thought it was real." The black cop who just arrived asked the boy what his name was and asked him to come closer. The children are actually in shock. I'm sitting there like it is something out of a movie.

My friend goes over to explain to the cops that she knew it was a toy and they were just practicing a play. Her commenting alone, may have bought them some "grace," if you would. Finally, one of the children's mother came over and the cops seemed to "release them" to the parent and they all left.

I am still sitting there, admiring my friend for her bravery and questioning why didn't I go over and "help?" Well, for one, I did not know they had a "play gun." She had more information than I. Also, a part of me wanted to grab the little black boys and smack them.

Dang, for real? For real!!!! But why???? Because they need a reality check.

You don't play...no...black boys don't play with a toy "gun" in a park. Being a young black boy in America with a toy "gun" in a public park, in clear view of houses from across the street, is just not a smart decision.

Think!!! Let's say they came up when he had it out, pointing it at one of his classmates (heaven forbid one of the white classmates) and that's all the cops see. It could have gone badly and the headlines would have read, "Black boy shot down at the park with a "toy" gun in his hand!"

I am the first one to advocate for our young black boys! The cops, once they found out it was a fake, could have talked or "mentored" to them. But, they were probably too angry or emotional at that point...which is not good. Who needs an emotional cop? I know they get calls all the time and to find out it was a toy probably did not help. What's going to happen the next time something like that happens? They will be slower to respond. (Hell, in some neighborhoods they don't come until it's too late!)

Bottom Line - You do not play with "toy" guns...sorry...Black children, especially black boys, do not play with "toy" guns in a park or outside. It is not the same time as when I grew up or heck even before that, when you could play "cops and robbers" and no one would think twice. We live in different times today! And we need to realize! It's not all about what's right and wrong...it's about surviving long enough so we can change what's wrong and make it right. Black America...America...needs to wake up and accept the awesome responsibility of correcting "race relations."

Now I am just reminded that I have to teach my young black son some very different "offensive and defensive" lessons. One lesson - Do not give somebody license to "kill" you! Sorry, that's just how I feel. What do you think?

So What!

I just looked up the definition for blog. Interesting what you find when you actually look something up in the dictionary. It is short for the weblog. I never knew!

So it's actually a website where an individual or group of users produces an ongoing narrative. Wow...kinda like journaling.

So what is so what for? Well, I have been stressing about how to use the blog...blah, blah, blah, blah...and how do I get more people to read it...blah, blah, blah...and well....so what if nobody reads it...and for those who do...I hope it helps, entertains, or inspires along the way.

Today was great! Just got back from my morning workout! I love it. Never thought I could feel so good working out. It is everything people say it is. And I have more energy and I am always inspired.

Now today I am feeling extra energetic!...I am going to a private woman's retreat for the weekend..."All By Myself!...Can you go away by yourself? I can go away by myself." Sorry, having a Kindermusik moment there. Anyway...I am so excited and a little scared. This will be my first time away from my newest addition Khalilah. She is about 21 months and still nursing. She is sitting with me right now...all extra emotional and attitudinal, like she knows I'm leaving.

Excited because - a weekend alone for a mom...come on that's a no brainer. Scared because - well...I've never done it.

I am looking to relax, rejuvenate, and become re inspired.

Right now in this moment, I am enjoying being a mom to my three beautiful children. My older daughter is actually a little sad I am leaving...my son is like "that's good, Mommy!" My little man for real!

So, let me get off this computer and get packed...yes I have yet to pack...told you I was scared a little.

WOW!!!!

It is simply amazing...my life!!! I just had a whirlwind weekend and week before that! I was a gathering of Black storytellers and it was just beautiful. I am starting to come into my own as a storyteller. I mean, we all have a story to tell...and there is certainly history to be preserved and passed on! Love it when like minds convene. The energy is so powerful...you can feel God in the room!

I want to take a new direction with my blog...so stay tuned. I want to share so much more.

With peace and love,

"Breathe!"

It has been so busy the last couple of months! Finally, I am getting a chance to breathe. And while breathing, I am taking an awesome leap of faith. You've been waiting and so have I...Niambi's House is coming...and has already started with performances around Chicago and recent birthday parties I have done.

Check back, as I figure out how to upload audio, for clips of the birthday songs!

Peace and love always,
Niambi Shalewa
"melody especially created for our home"